February 2023

My minions have been doing an excellent job spying on the Fungus Kingdom, lately. In fact, they have even picked up some intel that suggests Princess Plum has formed an alliance with a lowly plumber from Melbourne. Well, I don’t care how many blocked drains in the Camberwell area this guy has dealt with – he’s no match for me! I’ll tear him limb from limb without breaking a sweat, and then I’ll deal with that Princess Plum. 

Seriously, who do they think they are, trying to stop me? I’ve got an army of turtles, corrupted mushroom guys, skeleton turtles, evil plants and flying turtles. Okay, it’s a lot of turtles, I know, but I am the turtle king! If Princess Plum and this plumber are going to get in my way, they’ll need more than a few power-ups and extra lives. Sure, my ancestors have always been stopped by someone from a Melbourne business for blocked drains, but that won’t be the case this time. 

You know why? I have no reason to fear this plumber because I already know all the secrets of his trade. Years ago, I captured a Melbourne drain professional, knowing this very day would come. While in my dungeons, Lui G has been more than cooperative in teaching me how to defeat the more powerful plumbers who might get in my way someday. As for the princess, she has absolutely no experience going on quests to save her kingdom, so I’m not the slightest bit concerned about her.

The great thing about having my own personal plumber captive in the dungeons of my floating lava island castle is that whenever I do have a plumbing issue, such as a blocked sewer, I can just get him to take a look at it. My minions are constantly putting things down the drain that aren’t supposed to go there. It can get pretty frustrating, but as long as I have Lui G around, it’s not a huge problem.

Anyway, it’s probably time I go frighten some penguins and steal their power stars.

– Trowser