February 2023 – The Bird Motel

Securing a Roadworthy

I am a huge procrastinator. It’s not something I do intentionally, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. I’ve been needing to take my car to get a roadworthy certificate for the last month in order for me to get her back on the road. I couldn’t have been more slack during this whole process. Each time I’d feel slight motivation to go do it, I’d find myself back on the couch watching TV.

Booking the roadworthy certificate was a mission in itself. I think I kept putting it off because I didn’t know where to get a roadworthy certificate in Frankston. My brother had to end up booking it for me because I am that lazy. He found a mechanic that was renowned for his honest work and fair prices. Now that I had a date to commit to, I knew I had to stop being so slack and get a move on. I knew I could delay the process any longer.

I woke up this morning accepting that today was the day that I’d be taking my car to the best local mechanic. Frankston is a thirty-minute drive for me as I live quite rural, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the main cause of my laziness.

While driving to the mechanic I felt a wave of nervousness wash over me. I’ve heard so many stories about mechanics who are not quite honest with their customers. I’m sure this mechanic wouldn’t do this. My brother did say he booked the best, after all!

As I pulled up to the garage, I saw a burly man in overalls standing outside. He gave me a friendly wave and a nod, and I immediately felt at ease. “That must be the mechanic,” I thought to myself.

He spent some time surveying the car before revealing some great news. The car was in perfect working order. I’m not starting to wish I got this process done sooner rather than stressing and procrastinating for no reason.

Sorting Car Brakes

Yesterday was rather adventurous. I was driving down the freeway, on the way to a very important meeting. During this drive, I kept noticing an unusual squealing sound. I tried to ignore it at first, thinking that maybe I ran over something and the noise would go away on its own. As I continued to drive, the noise became louder. I could begin to feel my brakes become less responsive.

I pride myself on being someone who has always been proactive when it comes to car maintenance. I wasn’t going to let these new concerns slip. As soon as I arrived at my destination, I took two minutes to search for a reliable mechanic near Ringwood.

My search didn’t take too long as there was one mechanic that had absolutely flying reviews. I love this review feature online – it makes it so much easier to determine whether or not you should even bother with a certain company. I’ll only ever use businesses that have at least a three-point-five-star rating and many positive comments.

Not only did this mechanic have great reviews, but it was also one of the closest top-rated brake repair services. Ringwood may pride itself on being the car hub of Melbourne, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all their mechanics are up to par.

I managed to finish up my meeting early so I could drive to the mechanic’s workshop. As soon as I pulled into the workshop I was greeted with a very warm welcome. The mechanic was instantly interested in what issues I had been experiencing with my car. I explained the noises I had been hearing every time I applied pressure to the brakes. After taking a quick look at my brakes himself, he explained that there was indeed a very serious issue that needed to be addressed. I’m glad I didn’t choose to leave this problem until too late. I’d hate to be driving and unable to brake in time.

Tinting For Business

I own a small accounting firm. It started as an online business that I’d operate out of my home, but I slowly discovered that more and more clients desired a face-to-face experience. After growing tired of the usual webcam catch-ups, I decided I’d make myself stand out and acquire a location. I’ve had the location for about three months now but have been told by clients that they’d prefer if I had tinted windows for added privacy. I’m starting to understand where they’re coming from with this suggestion. Many of my clients are local business owners. They probably don’t want their employees or clients to see them sitting in the accounting firm. Sometimes it can open up many questions and concerns.

I knew I had to come up with some sort of solution. I did some research online and found a reputable company that specialises in window glass frosting. They offered me a variety of options to choose from, which was great! Despite there being multiple colours and styles to choose from, I decided to settle for a simply frosted window film that would provide the privacy I need while still allowing natural light into the office.

I think a big reason why I was always sceptical of window film is because I’ve seen a lot of dodgy jobs done. I can point out at least eight stores on my shopping strip that have bubbling or peeling window film. That’s why I used the best office tinting specialists Melbourne has to offer to get the job done. I’ve noticed that all the stores that used this company never had any issues with their tint or film.

It’s funny how I never once thought about tinting, but now I am seeing the benefits it has brought to my office. It’s definitely added an element of privacy, but it’s also helped to provide a more professional look. All my clients thought the changes looked great and felt a lot more at ease during their appointments.

Girlfriend’s Car Cooling

It’s so funny how two people can have very different priorities. For example, my girlfriend is super organised and on top of everything except for her car. I’m the total opposite. I’m scattered about everything, except for my car. If anything goes wrong with my car, I am instantly on top of it. If anything goes wrong with my girlfriend’s car, she will do everything in her power to mediate the situation so that she does not need to get a repair.

My girlfriend is a freelance journalist. She needs her car quite desperately to drive around and search for story opportunities. I always like to remind her of the importance of keeping her car in good condition. She thinks I’m just being nitpicky. Recently she noticed her car engine temperature gauge was running higher than usual. She tried to keep it secret from me to avoid being told to take it for a repair. As soon as I saw it I told her to book urgent cooling system repairs as soon as possible!

A week went by and I noticed she still hadn’t booked the repair, so I went ahead and booked it myself. This actually caused a bit of an argument between us. I think she didn’t want to admit she was stressed about not being able to afford the repair. I reminded her that the cooling system is essential for regulating the car’s temperature and that it could cause severe damage to the engine if not repaired.

After much back and forth, my girlfriend agreed that it was best we take the car for the repair. We decided to take it to the same place she got her logbook service. Adelaide is getting warmer by the day, and I can just imagine the havoc this could start inflicting on her engine. The thought alone was enough to stress me out.

When we took the car in, the car mechanic reiterated the importance of the cooling system and showed my girlfriend all the problems with her car. I’m glad he did this because she clearly did not believe me.

The Falling Spy

My life as a spy came to a halt after the fall. One moment, I was a high-flying mission commander, and the next, I was an embarrassed and shamed husk of a man – and to make matters worse, I lost my commander title too. It was my fault that the mission had failed, so there was nobody else to blame when the news appeared in the spy system. Nobody in my team had done anything wrong; they were simply following orders. No, the blame rested squarely on my shoulders. And so did the injury that I succumbed to during the fall. I’d gone to the best podiatrist clinics Cheltenham had to offer, but still, it seemed that nothing could be done to fix my foot. I had landed on it during the fall, and since it was from such a great height, my foot completely shattered underneath me. At one point it seemed like I would have to get a prosthetic, and I would have to deal with not only the loss of my career but also the loss of my foot. But despite my fall from grace, I was still part of the spy network and still had access to the best medical talent the world had to offer. Bit by bit, I was able to walk again. I started off in physical therapy to get my foot moving again. They would push and pull it so the muscle in my leg could reconnect and move properly alongside my foot. Once I could move it of my own accord, I started using crutches to walk through the hallways of the hospital. It took so long to get better that at one point I wondered what the side effects of wearing circulation socks were since I had been wearing them for so long. Surely there was some sort of side effect I was missing, and maybe in a decade, I’d grow a third arm. But the doctors and podiatrists insisted they were necessary, and slowly but surely I was beginning to walk again. However, my life as a spy was still up in the air.

Walking Getting Better

It seemed like every day, my only role was to practise walking. I had strolled through the hallways of the underground spy hospital so many times that I had memorised every thin crack or mark along the cement walls. It wasn’t a good place to be. The hospital was sparsely populated, as spy injuries were so rare in modern times. The only other people I saw were doctors and podiatrists. I wasn’t allowed above ground – even though it had been months since I failed my mission and let down my entire team, I was still being sequestered away from the other spies in case I compromised information. I don’t often get hurt or offended, but I was indignant when my boss sat me down to tell me that little tidbit. I’d been a spy for three decades, and part of my current organisation for two of those. Surely they trusted me now. Up until this point, every mission I had been part of or commanded had been a raging success. The information I had gleaned as a spy was priceless. It had saved lives, changed the course of international politics, and made the world better for millions of people. Why was I being treated like a common civilian? Part of me wondered if it was simply my injury, the fact that I had to wear gel toe and shoe pads over the outside of my shoes. Maybe I was being treated differently because I could no longer work in the same way as other spies. But then I remembered: how many failed spies had I seen working at my organisation? None. There were none, in the two decades I had been working here. When a spy failed, they simply disappeared. As I hobbled through the halls, pondering my fate, my footsteps echoed loudly. An anxious gnawing began in my stomach, the first anxiety I had felt since I fell over that cliff, the first since the best foot specialist in Cheltenham told me I may never walk again. But I pushed both of those thoughts aside. I had always overcome every odd that I had faced. Before the fall, I was one of the world’s best spies. I had to get back there.

Duck Tub

Ducky was a happy little duck who lived on a farm with all his animal friends. One of Ducky’s favourite things to do was splash around in the bathtub the farmer had installed for the animals, but he always found it challenging to climb into. The bathtub was simply too tall for Ducky, and he always had to rely on his friends to help him get in and out.

Eventually, Ducky decided that enough was enough, and demanded that the farmer come up with a solution to this dreadful problem. Now, the farmer was a kind man who loved all of his animals, and he remained patient even in the face of Ducky’s demands. He promised to find a solution to the problem and began wondering about the cost of a bathtub remodel.

After some research, the farmer found a team of experts who had plenty of experience with bathtub remodels. They were from the most popular bathtub conversion business Sydney had to offer, so he knew he’d found the perfect solution. The bathtub conversion company decided to send out their carpenter, since this would be a special job. The carpenter, Tom, came to the farm and made a plan to make a new bathtub that would be the perfect size for Ducky.

Tom worked hard for days, using his creativity and skills to make one of the finest bathtubs any of them would ever see. He even made sure to incorporate some fun features like a water slide and a little ramp that would help Ducky climb up.

When the bathtub was ready, the farmer and Ducky’s friends gathered around to watch Ducky try it out. Ducky waddled up the ramp and got into the bathtub, splashing around and even trying the waterslide out.

Unfortunately for Ducky, the farmer wasn’t as kind as the animals had believed, after all. See, he had hatched a plan for revenge after Ducky’s rude demands. While Ducky played in the water, he didn’t realise that it was beginning to heat up until it was too late.

The farmer ate quite well that night.

Mouse House

Melbourne was a bustling city with towering buildings and endless alleyways that housed all kinds of creatures. Amongst these was a small mouse, who had been living in a tiny hole under the floorboards of a popular café. However, the mouse had always dreamt of having a proper home in Melbourne – one that was secure, comfortable and, most importantly, safe from nasty cats.

One day, while scavenging for food, the mouse overheard a conversation between a group of people about buying houses in the city. Intrigued, the mouse decided to look into the possibility of purchasing a home for itself. But, as a tiny rodent, it was overwhelmed with the task of finding a suitable home in Melbourne. It seemed almost impossible, especially considering how a mouse was likely to be discriminated against when buying a home.

That’s when the mouse decided to seek the help of a buyer’s agent. The mouse found an agent that specialised in finding homes for animals and would keep its identity anonymous throughout the process. His name was Peter, and he was a kind and compassionate agent who had helped many animals find their dream homes. Many considered him to be one of the best property advocates near Melbourne.

Peter listened intently to the mouse’s needs, carefully considering every detail. They talked about everything from the ideal location to the type of house, and Peter showed the mouse a range of properties that were suitable. Many of them were within the sights of another buyer’s advocate close to Brighton, so competition was tough.

Eventually, the mouse finally found a beautiful, cozy house in a quiet alleyway. It had a tiny garden, perfect for the mouse to play and forage, and was within close proximity to the café where it had lived previously. The mouse was thrilled with the find, and Peter negotiated with the seller to secure the property.

Finally, the house was theirs, and the mouse settled into its new home. It was a dream come true for the little rodent, who had always longed for a safe and comfortable place to live.

Big Boating Background

Recently, there has been quite a stir throughout the boating community, as leaks emerged that Sailors of the Coast would be revising their OBL (Open Boating License) that has been the foundation of the boating community for over twenty years now. Boaters across the globe are furious, although there has been no official word to suggest that these leaks are legitimate yet. If these leaks prove to be true, however, they will rock the foundations of the boating community forever.

To properly understand the situation, you have to go back all the way to the 1970s, before the famous boating manual, B&B (Buoys and Boats, not Bed and Breakfast), was purchased by Sailors of the Coast. Buoys and Boats was first published in 1974 by BSR (Boating Studies Rules), providing boating enthusiasts with detailed guidelines on how to make upgrades and adjustments to their boats. For example, the original Buoys and Boats manual provided clear instructions for boat owners who wished to get a boat catch installation for their favourite marine vehicle. With the B&B book becoming a worldwide phenomenon in only a couple of years, BSR soon released Advanced Bouys and Boats (also known as 2nd Edition B&B) in 1977. Across the globe, boaters were latching onto this new handbook, whether they needed a new snapper rack, a bait board or a Melbourne business for marine welding. Such was the popularity of B&B that it even inspired its own moral panic, with many believing it to be a recruitment tool for a dark secret society of boat lovers.

BSR knew that the strength of B&B lied in its passionate community and often encouraged fans to send in their own boating suggestions, which they featured in the monthly Yacht Magazine. However, the company also had a reputation for fiercely protecting its perceived rights, suing anybody who created B&B-adjacent content, particularly as the company saw a decline in profits in the early 1990s. When BSR faced bankruptcy later in the decade, they sold B&B to Sailors of the Coast, the current stewards of the handbook.

This article will be updated further as soon as its author has done more research on the topic…

Bad Breakdown Timing

I can’t believe I’m having car troubles again! This always seems to happen to me, no matter how much effort I put into looking after my car. It’s frankly getting ridiculous at this point. Now I’m sitting here in my broken-down car, waiting for the mobile mechanic to come and help me out. It’s such terrible timing, too! I was on my way to go see the latest superhero movie, Wasp Man, and this was my only chance to see it before it leaves the cinema! I have literally never missed a cinematic release of a superhero movie. At first, I considered walking to the cinema, but it’s a whole twenty minutes away, so that’s not going to happen.

Being stranded in Hawthorn is a bit of a strange experience. I figured there would be at least one Hawthorn-based car mechanic who could help me out today, but they’re all booked up. How frustrating! I don’t know what it is about Hawthorn and people needing auto repair here, but it seems like there’s a real correlation. And I know correlation doesn’t necessarily equal causation and whatnot, but it seems like more than just a coincidence when I can see two people with car issues further along the street.

Anyway, I called around and found a mechanic from Malvern East who was willing to make the long journey across two whole suburbs to save my bacon. My bacon being the only chance I have to see Wasp Man before it hits streaming services in like six weeks. If we can get this issue sorted out within the next half an hour, I might make it to the cinema before the ads are over. It’s a shame because I really do enjoy cinema ads – even the ones that advertise local businesses. That’s something about streaming movies six weeks after their cinematic release that really hurts the experience. You don’t get to see any ads for other movies, and you don’t get to support the local economy either. There’s just something special about going to the cinemas, so hopefully this mechanic can get my car sorted quickly.